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Definest list you’d ever want

The Internet is a great source of humor, although it’s sometimes hard to tell exactly the source or author of the jokes.

Go on Twitter and you’ll find a whole series of tweets, many laugh-out-loud funny, under the hashtags #newdefinitions, #betterdefinitions or #daffydefinitions.

The idea is to provide a new definition to an old word. The Washington Post has been playing this game for years with its Style Invitational annual neologism contest.

Google that contest and you’ll get a torrent of information, a lot of it contradictory. For example, I found four different posts that purported to be that year’s winners of the Post neologism contest – for 2006, 2011, 2013 and this year. All had the same jokes, recycled from some year.

Anyway, here is a baker’s dozen of the best (and most printable) I found:

Deadline (n): That chalk outline they draw around corpses.

Belittle (v): What short people persistently do

Balderdash (n): a rapidly receding hairline.

Scoff (v): to cough sarcastically.

Coffee (n): the person upon whom you cough.

Cartel (n): Vehicular phone.

Stalemate (n): An ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.

 

Syllabus (n): A large wheeled transport device that takes word segments to school.

Flatulence (n): An emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Here are two medical definitions:

Paradox (n): Two physicians.

Eyedropper (n): A clumsy ophthalmologist.

And let’s close with a couple of legal definitions:

Sewer (n): A sanitation worker who institutes legal proceedings against another.

Will (n): A dead giveaway.

I would be happy to provide attribution to the new definitions listed above, but that’s hard to determine. Just go on Twitter or the Internet yourself, then pick whichever author you want. Sounds legit, right?

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