Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

They’re heeeere.

Creepy clown citings have been common down in the Carolinas over the past six weeks.

Starting around Greenville, South Carolina, in late August, police got re­ports of clowns lurking in the woods.

Yes, clowns. As in Bozo. Clarabell. Chuckles. Homey. Krusty.

But the clowns in the woods were a lot more sinister.

Parents understandably were con­cerned that the clowns would prey upon their kids.

Then the cops started getting clown-citing reports that turned out to be pranks.

The clowns moved up into North Carolina.

A guy wielding a machete chased a clown back into the woods at an apartment complex near Greensboro on Sept. 7.

Last Tuesday, the clowns completed their march up Interstate 85, making their way into the Old Dominion.

Local media reported that a group of clowns was loitering in Henrico County, randomly coming up to a car and knocking on the window, likely scaring the stew out of the occupants.

A guy in a clown mask was arrest­ed for chasing some little kids.

On Wednesday, there were seven different clown sightings in Chester­field County. Seven.

It’s worth noting that Virginia Code § 18.2-422 makes it illegal to wear a mask in public.

Any would-be creepy clown with a mask therefore risks a stay in the cross-bar hotel. Just imagine the conversation in jail:

Q: “So, what’re you in for?”

A: “I dressed up as a clown to scare the stew out of some people in a car.”

That’s a marginally better answer than this:

A: “Me and my buddy thought it would be fun to call the cops and make a fake creepy clown report.”

When does this creepy clown busi­ness end? On Halloween, maybe?

Psychologists have a scientific name for the fear of clowns – coulro­phobia.

Something like 12 percent of the population suffers from this afflic­tion.

You can expect that number to start rising.

— Paul Fletcher